RATIONALIZATION: A HARMFUL SELF DEFENSE MECHANISM

RATIONALIZATION

DEFINITION

Rationalization is the act, unconsciously motivated, of giving reasonable but untrue excuse or expiation for our behavior.

CAUSES OF RATIONALIZATION

Rationalization is a defense mechanism identified by Freud. According to Freud when people are not able to deal with the reasons of their behavior or feelings in a rational or logical manner, avoiding the true reasons for that behavior, in particular ways, they protect themselves by creating self-justifying explanations for the same. For example, if I flunk out of school because I didn't study properly it might be so hard for me to deal with that and I rationalize my behaviors by saying that I simply didn't have enough time to study because I have a full-time job, a baby at home, and so many other demands on my time. Or a student might blame a poor exam score on the instructor rather than his or her lack of preparation. The examples may be very many. Since the malady is common to all of us, especially to young boys and girls, I am very much concerned, and therefore this topic.

This attitude of rationalization does a great damage to your inner equipment (अंतःकरण) and thereby to your self-esteem. Please remember that you can justify your actions to every one around you but cannot deceive yourself. Your inner equipment (अंतःकरण) remains aware of and deeply concerned with the reasons of your failure. If you keep suppressing the same by rationalizing every failure, you create a wall between your inner-self and the overt mental layer. Thus, the outer self or the superficial and limited knowledge becomes alienated from the vast wisdom of अंतःकरण and as an obvious result you loose your self-esteem. I come across many girls and boys of promising capabilities but because of the damaged self-esteem they try to avoid facing the challenges of life. That is a very sorry state of affairs.

Ways to avoid Rationalization:-

1. First of all acknowledge your defeats, disappointments or failures honestly to yourself.
2. Secondly, after the first step, set about to correct whatever it was that caused your defeat, by getting information, thinking some on it, talking to some one who might help.
3. Then, concentrate for a while on something, you know, you can do well to help preserve your self-esteem.
4. Lastly, try something new and different, or try a new approach to the thing you have failed at.

Try the above methods in that order. These are the findings of a number of psychological researches. If you are honest with your self, and apply these corrective measures, I am sure you will be benefited.

THE RUDIMENTS OF SOCIAL BEHAVIOR

 DO’s AND DON’Ts

There is a law in science that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The Hindu philosopher of yore also believed and professed the same, nay, they improved on this law and came out with the unique law of Karma. Law of Karma is to be described separately on my other blog (Vedanta, the Ultimate Philosophy). If you wish to know the delicacies of actions and understand their repercussions, you are most welcome to visit that blog. Here, let us limit ourselves to the essentials. What ever you do to others, will come back to you in form of a reaction. For this reason some DO’s’ and DON’T’s are formulated by the doctors of psychology for rational people. I reproduce their findings and conclusions in eight DO’s and seven DON’Ts below:-

DO

1.          Think well of others.

2.          Be good to others.

3.          Speak well of people.

4.          Get your mind off yourself.

5.          Have some common interest with others,

6.          Be adjustable.

7.          Be an interesting person.

8.          Be yourself.

DON’T

1.          Be undependable.

2.          Be argumentative.

3.          Be vulgar.

4.          Be sarcastic.

5.          Be boastful and noisy.

6.          Be too inquisitive.

7.          Be too aggressive.

RULES FOR ATTRACTIVENESS

There is nothing new to these rules if you know the saying “as you sow so you reap”. All boys and girls wish to be more and more attractive. The psychologists have delved deep into this desire and discovered five great rules for attractiveness. Do you want to know them? These rules are placed below:-

1.          Be clean.

2.          Be energetic

3.          Cultivate good expression.

4.          Cultivate good manners.

5.          Be tactful.

BE TACTFUL. Please look at the last one, “Be tactful”. While we converse with others we normally overlook their mental reactions. That shows our grossness. If we are little careful, it is not difficult to realize how the other person(s) is/are reacting to our talk. The reactions are always printed in their eyes, if only we know how to read them. That is not very difficult too. Suppose you tell some one, “Man, listen to me first” and watch the impression of your words in the eyes of that person. Then you speak the same thing to other man little tactfully, “Gentleman, kindly (or please) listen to me first.” Will you see the similar impression? No. Once on a Railway yard an English Officer was scolding his Indian subordinate, “Man, why didn't you do this?” Swami Vivekananda on hearing this sentence approached the officer and corrected him, “The proper word of address is ‘Gentleman’ and not ‘man’. It is sad to note that you have forgotten your own language.” An expert diplomat once defined the diplomatic language, “You say the bitterest things in a way that the same is received by the other party as a favour being done”. I am sure you are familiar with this famous Sanskrit saying (सत्यं ब्रूयात प्रियं ब्रूयात न ब्रूयात सत्यमप्रियम). This means that you must speak the truth but it should be a pleasing one. Unpleasant truths should not be spoken at all. This was about “tactful” speaking. The same thing is applicable in other social intercourse.

You must also contemplate on other points and grasp their intent and import in day to day life.

CONCLUSION

So, never impose yourself on others. Respect their feelings and sentiments. The reason is simple. If you are not tactful during the conversation or other social intercourse you loose the basic rationale of COMMUNICATION. It becomes meaningless tirade or simply a hollow harangue. So be careful. Incorporate necessary improvement in your habits.

INSIGHT INTO YOURSELF (OUR OWN LIKES AND DISLIKES)

LIKES AND DISLIKES

In the photo right side of these lines, you see a girl looking in a mirror and finding a monkey giggling back, in stead of her own face. The words in Hindi say, “O Lord, please provide me with a mirror where in I can see myself as others see me.” Well, there is no such magical mirror.  But if there be so, no one would like to have such mirror. With an insight into others’ minds (by knowing their feelings about you) the tranquility of your own mind will get irrevocably disturbed. But it is worth while to put yourself in others’ shoes and examine yourself, or, introspect what you like or dislike in others so that you can improve your personality accordingly and become an amicable person. No one likes being disliked by others.

Let us examine eight points of our common ‘likings’ and four of ‘dislikings’ as appended below:-

We like people:-

(i)               who like us.

(ii)              who are helpful, kind, thoughtful and considerate.

(iii)             who speak well of others when they are not present.

(iv)             who can be interested in things outside of themselves – that is, people who are                             not    self-centered.

(v)              who will share our interests with us.

(vi)             who inter into the fun or cooperate in an activity with a good spirit.

(vii)               who have a jest for living.

(viii)             who act natural rather than try to “put on an act”.

We don’t like people:-

(i)                who are late for appointments, don’t keep their promises, or are otherwise not                              dependable.

(ii)               who are argumentative and quarrelsome.

(iii)             who boast, talk about themselves all the time, or monopolize the conversation.

(iv)             who are too inquisitive about our personal business.

Won’t you ascertain that you are being liked by the others? But here, let me caution you that what ever you do, some or other people are going to dislike it. You can never think to be universally acceptable. So, I want you to inculcate only those qualities in you that you like or don’t like in others, and then leave every one free to feel whatever they like to feel. George Barnard Shaw, in his office, got these lines painted on the wall:-

Keep these lines too in your mind. Don’t be too much submissive. Excess in every thing is bad. Be reasonable, and be influenced by any idea if the same is acceptable to your discriminative intellect. Be an INTELLECTUAL and not a sentimental fool.

And

last but not least

है कोई

जो मेरे पास आए?

मेरे अभिषप्त हाथों से खिसक रही,

हवा के झोंकों से बुझ रही,

यह मशाल उठाए,

उसे फिर जलाए,

और आगे ले जाए?

है कहीं कोई?

PERSISTENCE (DON`T QUIT)

DON`T QUIT

When the things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you are trudging seems all up hill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must – but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about

When he might have won, had he stuck it out;

Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow -

You might succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than -

It seems to faint and faltering man,

Often the struggler has given up -

When he might have captured the victor’s cup.

And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt -

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit

It’s when things seem worst- that you MUSTN’T QUIT.